We sat in my den and watched a movie, and then talked for hours, drinking tea over a game of monopoly on my bedroom floor. I couldn't remember when I had last laughed so much.
"You're the greatest." She said, wiping away exhausted hysterical tears and throwing her arm around my waist. She fell over the board, knocking all of her monopoly money out of order.
"Do I get that now?" I said. I was losing terribly and taking all I could get.
"I don't think so, mister, I still haven't fully monopolized you!"
"Please! Half of my properties are mortgaged and I have seven dollars in the bank! One more wrong move and I'm dead!"
"Well no one said you couldn't just give up your property to me and live on my estate."
I pouted. "I'm so bad at this game." We had just spent three hours making hot headed negotiations and trying to buy each other out of town. I handed over my Park Place for St. Charles Place and Vermont Ave. It was a tough choice, but I figured I had to be better off, covering way more board space than she. It was two to one, I couldn't lose! But somehow, I landed on her hoteled property every round until I was virtually worthless. I never knew you could be so naturally bad at something, but here I was, personally as rich as a king, but bankrupt in monopoly. I laughed, thinking of our bank accounts that, for so many years, were managed by my father. Maybe it was a good thing.
"Oh, Taylor, it's okay... like I said. I take good care of my homeless." She cackled, and I wrestled her to the ground.
"So what if I don't want to live on your estate, huh? What if I prefer my slummy abandoned properties?"
"Too bad for you, then." She said, pushing me up. I laughed and I lay next to her, abandoning the game we both knew I was never going to win. I grabbed a discarded pillow and rested it under my arm.
"Zac was the only person I could ever beat at monopoly." I said, smiling at the memories. "He was the worst monopoly player known to planet earth... His philosophy was that if there were a communist version we would be the losers."
"Oh, so what? He would more successfully produce four hundred pound chunks of pointless steel with his dictatorial power over thousands of hungry Chinese people?"
I laughed. "You two would have gotten along, I think. I wish I could introduce you..."
"If only..." She sighed, wistfully, "Then maybe I wouldn't have to hang out with you all of the time!" She giggled maniacally and wriggled away from my attack, already on her feet and across the room. She couldn't run far.
"I got you!" I shouted, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around. I was tickled with my triumph.
With a force, she planted her feet and threw me so that I tripped over a shoe and fell on the ground, clumsy as ever. And for a moment I lay shocked, staring at her, with my mouth in an 'O', unable to even speak. She took one look at me and collapsed on my bed in laughter. We both laughed until our sides hurt, and tears were sliding down our faces.
"Oh God... oh God..." I said, wiping my face, and eventually, when I was calm enough, joined her on the bed. "You are awful! Taking advantage of my clumsiness!"
"I couldn't let you win...! Oh my God, that was the funniest thing. You should have seen the look on your face!" She began giggling uncontrollably all over again.
I smiled and wrapped my arms around her. "So..." I said, and she looked at me, breathless. "Are you staying the night?"
"It's so late... I may as well."
"We should get ready for bed." I said, snuggling up against her.
"Mmm..." She replied, wearily and we both looked at the ceiling.
"You know..." I said, "This is the first time I've been totally sober in weeks."
"Way to go. We had such an awesome time, too. See? You don't need those nasty pills."
"As long as you're around." I said, closing my eyes and inhaling her scent. "You make everything okay."
"Man. I'm exhausted." She said, yawning, and for a moment we were silent. I was wide awake.
"Do you ever get the feeling you're falling even when you're just lying still?"
"Acid...?" She replied, looking up at me.
"No..." I smiled. "Something else..." I said, but I never explained what else. We stared at each other for a long time, and suddenly I collapsed into her. A kiss. Long, intense, deep, and I couldn't figure out who had initiated it. There was no question between us. Neither of us stopped to protest for even a second as the kiss deepened and I pulled her closer to me. I was suddenly wide awake in a dream. Every part of me was on fire. I thought my head was going to explode as I kissed her, and when we broke apart we were breathless.
"Am I dreaming?" I said. My fingertips extra sensitive to every motion. To her surreal beauty. She just lay and shook her head.
"It took you so long..."
I kissed her again, a groan escaping my throat as a heat filled up my center. It was so true. This was so right. I wondered why I hadn't fallen sooner. Unconsciously, my body was drawn against her, and the feeling of her so close to me for the first time hit me so intensely that I had to pull away.
"Taylor, what's wrong?" She asked at my sudden departure, and before I could respond I realized I was nervous. I had done this a million times before, without a single thought, and here I was, with the one person I was most comfortable with in the world, intensely nervous.
"I... I... don't know." I said, "I just... can't believe this. I want to touch every part of you... but..." What if I lose you? The thought, suddenly became a possibility. What if we did this tonight, and never spoke again? What if this ruins us?
"But what?"
"I love you." I said, fast, nervous, emotional.
She looked at me, silent for a second, and I almost got out of the bed. She doesn't. No. I'm such an idiot. "Taylor, I love you too." I watched her eyes, to check for sincerity. To show her, that for once, I was giving her mine. That, for once, I meant this. She grabbed my face and kissed me again, and the emotion grabbed me with iron hands. What was I thinking? There was nothing more solid, or real, than this feeling.
She took the lead, straddling me at the waist and raising my shirt to pinch my nipples. "Ow! Stop!" I said, laughing and wriggling underneath her, and she smiled, yanking my tee over my head. As soon as it was off, a wave of fear washed over me. I crossed my arms in front of my chest, and quickly started to wriggle out from beneath her.
"Taylor..." She said, trying to settle me down. I had, in my moment of bliss, entirely forgotten about what I had never intended for anyone to see. My ribs shone through my skin, and suddenly there were lies written all over my face.
"Taylor..."
"I'm... I'm sorry." I began to cry. Caught red handed in my crime. This was it. Our perfect night was now ruined, and she would leave to go home.
"Taylor, no. Stop, Taylor." She pushed my nervous pushy hands down. "No, it's okay. Please, baby, don't cry. This is a good thing. I want to make you happy, okay? It doesn't matter. What matters is us, now. Okay?"
"I'm ugly." I said, tears still coming, even though she was kissing me. "I'm repulsive. I lied to you. I lied to Isaac..."
"Shh... Taylor. Shh." Her fingers grazed the skin of my stomach gently. She took her fingers and spread them like butterfly wings across my chest, pressing them between my ribs. Her lips made a trail from the center of my chest to my collar bone. "Don't cry. I love you." My heart pounded at her touches, but the flood gates were opened and the tears were covering my whole face uncontrollably. "You didn't lie to me. You're perfect." She wrapped her arms around me in an intense hug and then began to wipe the tears away from my face with her fingertips, kissing me on the lips. "I love you as you are."
"I wish you could have known me before. When I was better." I said, placing my hand on top of one of her's. They drifted back down to my chest, where she followed the bones with the tips of her fingers, and brushed softly at the line of hair that lead to my center. "What do you see in me? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you."
She followed the trail to the button of my pants. I began to calm down, but simultaneously grew more tense. Without words, she unbuttoned my pants and pulled down the zipper, while the other hand stroked my hair. "Taylor, you are the most beautiful boy I have ever seen." I felt her hand, and I immediately began sweating, a flush coming over me. Another tear rolled into my hair and she kissed it away.
"You, the most beautiful, perfect girl in the world, you think I'm beautiful?"
She wiped my hair out of my eyes and nodded, with a smile. "Yes, I do."
I touched her face, and her hair, tied up in a rough bun. I yanked out the tie, and it fell all around us, into my face, and she let out an embarrassed giggle as I spit hair out of my mouth underneath her, removing her hands from my body for a second to brush it aside. I hugged her tight, every nerve ending in my body wanting to feel more of her. The tears were all gone, and I felt totally relaxed.
"You know, Taylor..." She said relaxing half beside me, half on top of me, "I've never done this before."
"You haven't?!" I was surprised. She hadn't fumbled once, and her kisses felt so natural. I was sure I couldn't have been the first lucky guy to have been in her care.
"Nope. I've never even seen a boy's penis. I've never shown anyone my boobs. I've kissed about three times in my whole life."
"Well I can be your first, then." I said, smiling with my hand slightly under her shirt. "I would love to see your boobs."
She blushed. "My heart's all booming really loud in my head. You need to stop."
I laughed, "And mine isn't?" She sat up in front of me, without a word and pulled her shirt over her head. I could feel the boldness in her movements as she unclipped her bra, and shrugged it off of her shoulders, allowing it to fall between us. For a moment she sat completely still as I stared up at her. I sat up on my elbow, and with my finger traced the contours of her. Circling her dark hardened nipples, to the crease underneath the weight of her breast. I cupped one in my hand and leaned forward with my mouth, kissing her as if I were eating a peach. I gave her second breast the same treatment, delicately running my tongue over the nipple, and looking up at her wet lips before wrapping my arm around her and pulling her back down against me.
We kissed, again. Ravenously. Devouring each other with every motion. My hips were restless, and I was sweating everywhere, a sheen beginning to form on my skin. Again, when we paused breathless, she had a question. "Taylor, can you show me?"
"Show you...?"
"Yeah. Show me how. Show me how to do it." She reached toward my open fly again. "Let me see you."
I nodded. "You may." Her fingers made direct contact against my skin this time, causing me to groan in anticipation.
"Am I hurting you?"
"No. I'm just..." I blushed a little, "I'm just... really excited."
"It's heavier than I expected." She said, with it now resting in her hand. I watched with amusement as she tested the grounds, curiously touching every part and commenting. "Wow... It's so strange. This is almost unfair."
"Unfair? Why?"
"It's so awesome. I'm jealous. I wish I had something like this..." She said, and I laughed at her amazement. She rubbed her two fingers over the head and I grabbed her hand, abruptly. "What?"
"Not so hard! It's sensitive!"
"Well then show me how!" She shouted, indignantly, and I agreed. It's about time I set someone straight. I took her hand and I gently wrapped her thumb and her first two fingers around me.
"Just like this. Not too hard, okay?"
"Just like this?" She asked again, as I let her go on her own, and I nodded.
"Yeah. That's good. That's really good."
"How long does it take?"
I laughed, "It depends..."
"Should I go faster?"
"If you want..."
"Is it better if it's faster?"
"Sometimes..."
"What about now?"
"Annissa..."
"What?"
"I'm getting off just looking at you."
"That's not the right answer!"
I laughed again, and she settled in beside me. I kissed her, with my hands in her hair my fingers gripping and kneading as I felt each pulse from my center.
"You're distracting me." She said, and I looked up at her with lusty eyes and one arm around her shoulder, my breathing now growing heavier.
"You're doing great."
"I can feel your muscles contracting." She said, it was low and sexy. I don't think she realized how she sounded. "Are you going to come soon?"
"Almost." I said, breathlessly. "You'll know when."
She smiled, her free hand rubbing the back of my neck, and both of mine wrapped around her. I stared in her eyes, letting out small gasps as my hips started bucking.
"Now?" She asked.
"N-Now!" I said, both of my hands suddenly gripping her and the warmth spilling out onto my stomach.
She smiled at me as she watched my body melt into the sheets. I looked at her lovingly, dazed. "Taylor, make love to me."
"Now?"
She nodded.
"Are you sure?"
"More sure than I've ever been."
Suddenly, I was nervous again. I turned, interrupted from my sedate pleasure, and began rummaging through my night stand drawer for a condom. "Can't forget this." I said, placing it beside my cigarettes and empty prescription bottles. She laughed, and I grabbed a tissue, which she took from me.
"I'll do the liberty." She said, wiping up the mess across my belly.
"Why, thank you." I stroked her face, gently. I was shaking.
"Why are you shaking?" She asked, steadying my hand with her's.
"Because I love you so much that it overwhelms me."
We kissed again, and I gently pushed her down. The only sounds I could hear for several minutes were breathing, lips smacking, and the sound of my skin against her's as we touched. A million thoughts ran through my mind as I kissed her, and as I watched her experience me for the first time. I was rendered unable to speak by her hands and her eyes, and this new feeling in the pit of my stomach. Just being this near to her made me feel emotional, like I might cry. I wanted to be a part of her. To bury myself inside of her. It was the only way I could be satisfied. I wanted to be consumed by her until I was her.
We both laughed when, after the sound of her zipper, it took four hands to take off of her jeans. She wriggled out of her last articles, and all I could do was stare. She was so real to me in a way that nobody I had ever known before was. I slept with many, many girls through the years, but never had I really felt that they were human, or that I was human when I was with them. Sex was an animalistic act. Sometimes we wouldn't even get undressed, and most of the time we weren't even in a bed. Sometimes the location was as public as the living room at someone's house party. There was no love or tenderness in sex, as far as I knew. Until now, with her lying before me, naked, new, and natural, like I had never seen a woman before.
My jeans came next. My skin burned under her eyes. She explored me again, this time with her lips. Her hands slid under my buttocks and her roaming tongue landed in my belly button.
I giggled. "What are you doing?" I said.
"Making sure you weren't hatched." She said.
"You fucking weirdo. Come here." I pulled her up to face level and kissed her fiercely. Our hands saw no boundaries as we groped at each other feverishly. Finally, mine found her heat.
"I'm ready now, Taylor..." She said, squirming against my touches, a blush spread across her face and chest. "Please."
We broke apart, and I opened the condom package, which I then handed to her. For a moment we stared down between us, as if unsure what the next move was supposed to be. I laughed, gently.
"This is so weird." I said, as I helped her roll the condom onto my penis. I was so relaxed, but yet both of our hands were shaking. I felt like the world was spinning around us. This was huge. Everything had changed in minutes. It seemed so sudden, but normal, too. Like we had been doing this all along. Being with her made me feel sixteen again. Nervous, excited, exhilarated. I wanted it to be perfect. I wanted her to feel perfect. I felt so emotionally invested that if being with her was anything but, then maybe my heart would break. I kissed her again, smacking her lips ten times in a row as she giggled from above me. With a bit of pushing and adjusting, I rolled on top of her. I asked again. "You're sure you want to do this?"
"Please." She said, burying her face in my neck. "I want it to be you."
"I just want you to know that I love you, I love you, I love you. Even if I didn't realize it until today." The words, now out in the open, became so easy to say.
She smiled at me and I lowered my hips, guiding with my hand inside of her. She tensed. I could feel it right away. "Relax..." I said, stroking her hair, and taking a moment to peek as I slowly disappeared inside of her. It was phenomenon that I had never quite gotten used to. It made me feel like a part of me was temporarily no longer mine, but her's. For once, I didn't mind. She could take everything.
I eased back, gently. Her jaw was clenched. "Breathe, Ani. Just relax." I circled my fingers delicately over her neck and shoulders, and kissed along her jaw line, landing finally on her lips. She took a breath as I pushed further.
"You're concentrating so hard." She said, creasing her eyebrows to imitate my face. She tried to laugh, but her eyes were glassy.
"Don't cry." I said, but tears spilled over as she let out a small yelp. "I'm sorry." I said to what I had done, "I'm sorry." I lifted her legs, gently, and started rocking her in an effort to relax her muscles, and ease the pain. I massaged her thighs, thinking that maybe it would help, but I really had no idea. I had never slept with anyone that was anywhere near being a virgin, and if I had, I didn't know it. Rarely did I have the time to pay attention to how they were feeling, in a janitor's closet backstage. I dried her eyes with my thumbs, and with each deep breath her body loosened a little. "Are you okay?"
"It feels strange." She said. "Like you're probing all of my internal organs."
"I love you." I said. "I love you."
I kissed her. I could feel a bead of sweat drip across my temple and fall into her hair. I smiled and I said it again. "I love you." I kissed her again and with each breath said it once more. I love you I love you I love you I love you. Until I was unable to say it any longer, my tongue tied in a knot by ecstacy.
She made small sounds and wore an uncertain expression. I propped up on my elbows over her and watched her face, neither of us speaking. Again, the only sounds that filled my ears were the sheets beneath us, and the deep breaths I took through my nose as I kissed her.
"Oh, Jesus." I think that's what I said. My breath hitched. "Oh my God." I held her hands in mine, unexplainable laughter rising in my throat. Joy flooded and blinded me, my toes curling around the bed sheets and my fingers closing around her thumbs. My orgasm felt like a sigh of relief.
She cried a second time, this time for a better feeling. I lifted her, and rocked her in my lap, singing her lullabies as if she were a small child. She curled up safely against my chest. The lamplight from behind me landed on her face and reflected the brilliant color of her eyes.
"Green eyes," I sang, "You're the one that I wanted to find."
She laughed in recognition. I knew exactly what she was thinking. Coldplay. Of course.
"And anyone who tried to deny you, must be out of their mind." All I could see was that she was grinning. The lyrics fell out in perfect breaths against her ear. "Cause I came here with a load, And it feels so much lighter, since I met you."
She joined, half about to cry, half ready to laugh, "And honey, you should know. That I could never go on without you."
"Green eyes." I muttered, kissing her one last time before we slid apart. "It's almost six."
"We may as well watch the sunrise." She said, running her fingers through my hair. "And then we can stay in bed all day long."
"Mmm." I nodded, and I turned off the lamp. We were asleep before the sun even knew what had happened.