The hospital was across town, and the likeliness of running into someone from across town more than once was slim to none. But it happened to me. It was four months home now - and in the deli I saw a small man holding hands with another man. I didn't think much of it, initially - gay couples were not unusual in this city - but when they turned around I froze.
"Angel!"
He looked up and smiled hesitantly. My hair had grown out quite a bit, and I was considerably thicker than I was when he last saw me. I don't think he quite recognized me at first.
"Angel - it's Taylor!"
He smiled more confidently and approached me, "Tay?! Wow! You look great!"
"What are the odds of running into you?" I said, "Whatcha been up to?"
"Well... I'm free." He announced, "This is my boyfriend..." He motioned, "Ted."
"Nice to meet you." I shook Ted's hand. I didn't know Angel was gay. "Good for you! When did you get out?"
"A month or so ago..."
I smiled, "That's great... how were Mike and everyone?"
He hesitated. "They're... okay." Pause. "Mike was in intensive care when I left. They had him on the tubes again..."
I creased my eyebrows, "Oh... no."
There was an uneasy silence and he swallowed, hard. "So... I've been watching the news..." He started, "Congrats to you and your wife about the baby."
"My wife?" I laughed. The girl I've been sleeping with? "They think she's my wife?"
"She... is... isn't she?"
"She would have been Zac's fiancée. She... she got pregnant before he died." I shoved my hands in my pockets, "I guess I'm playing father, sort of. Ike and I are, at least. We're bad parents."
"I'm sure you're a great father." He smiled, "Why don't we sit down?"
"Okay." I agreed, and we found ourselves a seat. I unwrapped my sandwich.
"I heard your album is coming out soon... I think I'll buy it."
I laughed. "Really? That's cool. I think we're going to start promotion in a couple of months. I'm not ready." I smiled mildly, "I'm not as strong as I used to be... but I guess I'll build that back up."
"Did you put the shower song on it?"
I laughed, "The shower song? That's a good title... wonder how I would explain that one." I took a bite out of my sandwich, "Actually... it's called 'Ani's song' and it's the bonus track you have to wait ten minutes to hear."
"Cool... I can tell all of your fans anecdotes about how I witnessed the creation of that song in the shower of L.A. Psychiatric."
I blushed, "Please don't... that's embarrassing."
He sipped his soda, "I'm joking, I wouldn't tell." He turned to Ted, "Hey, honey, could you go get me a sandwich? You know what I like." Ted complied and headed over to the line.
"So - is Ted the new man in your life?"
He smiled a little and blushed, "Ted's been my boyfriend for a few years now... He's been there for me for a long time... I got into a horrible scene for a while... and you know what happened to me when I was younger... I started to go crazy and I attempted suicide by overdose. Ted came in and got me before it was too late... That's how I ended up at the hospital. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be alive."
I smiled, "I think I have my brother to thank for getting better... it's so nice to see that you're getting better."
"Nice to see you with meat on your skin, Taylor... and hair." He fluffed my hair.
I smiled, "It's nice to have hair... you have no idea how much I missed it. I feel really good... you can't see my ribs anymore."
"That's awesome, Tay. You're really doing well." He propped his chin on his hand.
"Hey Angel - I hate to bring this up... but Steve didn't bother you after I left did he?" He shook his head, no. "What did he say about me?"
"When you were sitting outside smoking he told everyone you were begging him for sex in the showers... He said that you knocked out Joey so he wouldn't disturb anything. He said you couldn't get it up... and everyone who saw you knew you were a virgin."
"What did you say?"
"Nothing."
I sank. "What does it matter if I couldn't get it up? I have three inches on him anyway." Angel almost choked on his soda. "He would be crying once I was through with him. All the girls are."
"You're how big?"
"Ten. I'd tear him apart."
"Ten!?"
"Yeah, I know. I've heard it all before." I turned red, "I didn't find it overly pleasurable to have some guy shoving his cock up my ass. Maybe that's why I didn't get up."
"The first time hurts... like hell. I'm glad you weren't my first time." He laughed.
"I don't plan on doing it again..." I said. "What a fucker. If I ever see him again he will get a taste of his own medicine."
Ted sat down, finally, with his deli sandwiches and a soda. "Hey honey," Angel greeted him again and took his sandwich. "Thank you... you're the best."
I smiled at them. "You're lucky."
"Why?"
"Guys give better blowjobs than girls could any day."
They both looked a bit surprised, and Angel turned very red. I smiled at them then checked my watch. "Well I should probably run. The girl and the child await. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get laid this afternoon."
"We'll be rooting."
"Hey, give me a call, okay?" I pulled out a pen and grabbed a napkin. "I want to keep in contact."
He took my number from me and smiled, "We gotta look out for each other. I'll give you a call."
"Ciao." I said with a smile and dumped the remainder of my meal in the trash before I left the deli.
I returned home to Alexis and a screaming baby. She was crying, which didn't seem to be helping the situation.
"Alex, what's wrong?"
"He won't stop crying." She bubbled. "I don't know what's wrong... I..."
"Here, let me take him." I took the screaming baby from her. "Is he hungry?"
"No... I just fed him."
"Does he need a diaper change?"
"No, I checked that."
"Is he sleepy?"
"He doesn't seem to want to go to sleep."
"He will." I said. "What's wrong baby Theo? Why are you crying?" He screamed. "I bet he's just in a bad mood. Maybe he has gas." I said and sat down on the couch with him, trying all the various techniques I learned as a babysitter for my five younger siblings on shutting a baby up. The truth was, sometimes we just locked Jessica and Avery in their rooms and played video games - but that wasn't quite how you treat your own child - or at least, maybe I don't want to be that type of parent.
After a few minutes he did calm, and then eventually he did start dozing off. I smiled. "See, I told you... he was just cranky." I carried Theo to Zac's room and placed him in his crib. She waited outside the door as I closed it quietly. "There's no reason to be upset." I said - as I could see her eyes about ready to spill over again.
Too late. She was already crying.
"Alex, don't cry, alright? You're doing fine..."
"It's too much." She said, grabbing her hair and holding her arms in front of her wet face. "I can't handle this."
"Al... Come here." I opened my arms and let her in. I stroked her hair, "It's okay... you're doing fine. We're here for you... You don't have to do all of this yourself. If you need anything just ask, okay?"
She heaved a few heavy sighs and her crying stopped. "It would make me feel better if you slept with me on occasion."
I was offended. I was jerking off in the shower every night because she was never in the mood. I sighed. "You want to sleep with me?"
"Yeah, do I have to ask to be kissed and touched? I sleep in the same bed as you, for crying out loud, and you barely even kiss me! Am I your girlfriend, or was that a one-time fuck?"
"Girlfriend... You're my girlfriend?" She looked angry and I quickly tried to reword it, "Well, I mean... I mean... I didn't get the impression you wanted to be my girlfriend."
"What do you think I am, then!? Your personal cock-sucking service!?"
"No, no. Alex - it's not like that at all! I really love you, I really do... I just... I just don't know how I love you. I don't want to hurt you."
"You fucked me!" She screeched.
"Alex, Shh. You'll wake Theo up." I pulled her down the hallway and into my room and shut the door. She was so mad at me, and I didn't really understand why.
"I wish you'd touch me."
"I didn't think you wanted to be touched. Every time I did you would tell me you weren't in the mood... so I backed off! You're acting like I won't go near you with a ten foot pole!"
"It feels like it. You hardly come near me."
"I thought you wanted space, that's all." I tried to move toward her and grab her hands but she pulled sharply away. I sighed and slapped my hands on my thighs. "See!? This is what I'm talking about! All you do is contradict yourself!"
"Not now!" She said. "I'm mad at you!"
"You're being ridiculous."
"Fine." She said finally, and grabbed my belt. "Fuck me."
"Not if you're mad at me!"
"But I want you to!"
"You're being really difficult, you know that?"
"Fuck me, Taylor! I'm asking you to!"
I shook her off and started pacing. "God! What the fuck is wrong with you today?!"
She gave me the dirtiest look, and then waltzed out of the room. "Fine." She repeated. "Fine... I think I'll... Go find a boy who will consider me his fucking GIRLFRIEND first!"
I followed her. "Well is a relationship what you want?! Because your signals aren't very fucking clear, you know. 'I want you, I don't want you. Let's have sex. You don't treat me like a girlfriend...' Maybe you should TALK to me, sometimes, and you wouldn't have to be screaming at me now!"
"I'm leaving anyway!" She replied, stubbornly. "BYE!" She shouted and slammed the door behind her.
I sighed and flopped down on the couch, thoroughly pissed off. I guess it had to happen sometime - the fight, that is. I flipped on the television and waited for someone else to come home.
I hoped Alexis would return before Theo woke up, but she didn't and he was cranky and hungry when he did. And of course, she was breast-feeding him. Go fucking figure.
Trying to get your three-month-old to stop crying and ignore the fact that he's hungry is never an easy task. I searched for a baby bottle or something in the house. There was no way she was unprepared for a situation like this, I concluded.
I finally found one wedged in with all of the rest of his baby stuff, and I tried warming milk in the microwave and then giving it to him. He didn't want it.
"Listen, Mommy's not here. She'll be back soon, please drink this."
More wailing.
"Theo, you're not making this any easier for yourself... You're going to be drinking from a bottle soon anyway."
He didn't seem to care... the wailing never stopped throughout my feeble attempts at feeding him, and finally the door flew open. Alexis and Isaac were standing on the other side, and as soon as Alexis caught my eye she rushed over.
"What are you doing?!" She shouted, sounding angry.
I sighed, I couldn't do anything right tonight. "He woke up... He was hungry and I'm doing the best I can, Okay?"
She snatched the bottle from my hands, "You know he won't drink this!"
"What was I going to do!?" I couldn't win. "You left! Did you want me to leave him crying neglected half the day?!"
She held out her arms. "Give him to me."
I handed the squirming baby over happily and she marched down the hallway to the bedroom with him. I tried to follow but she slammed the door in my face.
I sighed and turned to Isaac. "They both woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning."
He nodded.
By later that night she had cooled off considerably. She didn't really talk to me until I walked into the bedroom that evening before my shower.
"You could knock, you know." She said from my bed. I turned, surprised, and saw her curled up in the sheets. Her face was flushed.
"Why? It's my room." I stated. She didn't respond and I started to get changed for my shower. As I walked around I kept hearing a soft buzzing sound, and it suddenly dawned on me what she was doing. I blushed. "Alex? What are you doing?"
"Satisfying myself - because you won't."
I narrowed my eyes at her, and an erection was showing through my boxers. "Well, before I go jerk off in the shower, like I do every other night - does the sex-deprived princess need any favors?"
"No." She sneered. She started to orgasm, complete with moaning aloud... and I let out a frustrated sigh. I passed Ike in the hallway, but he decided not to ask about my red face, and general dark cloud over my head.
I turned the water cold in the shower, and pounded it. When I came out she was laying curled up in the sheets asleep. I felt disappointed, but I didn't know why. I decided to grab a book and crawled under the sheets next to her. I read for about fifteen minutes before she was crawling into my lap in front of my book.
"I'm sorry honey." She said and kissed me. She didn't bother getting dressed before I came in and she was already grinding her hips against me. She pulled off my boxers and we both joined together and began thrusting. In the throes of passion we heard crying on the baby monitor beside the bed. I think I could have hurled the thing across the room. The day just wasn't going well for me. She got off of me without a thought and threw on one of my T-shirts and headed down the hallway fast. I slipped on my shorts and followed her out, I was ripping at this point, but I chose not to show it. It wasn't her fault.
She was changing his diaper on the changing table when I came in. I smiled half-heartedly, and she shifted from side to side. She was just as horny as I was. Serves her right, I thought. We sat down on the couch together as she held Theo to her breast. She lifted her T-shirt to let him suckle her breast, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to touch everything bare underneath. I was getting so anxious, and the lump in my boxers wasn't going away. She placed her hand on my knee.
"Just a few minutes, Taylor, okay?"
I sighed softly. "I'm going to go back to our room."
She looked sad when I left, and I waited for a long time for her to return to the bedroom. My erection had faded by the time she returned, and I was almost dozing off.
"I had to get him to sleep." She whispered and crawled under the sheets next to me. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's fine..." I said.
"Aren't you cold?" She said, rubbing her arms when she took her shirt off, and taking note of me lying naked on top of the sheets of the bed.
"A little." I responded, and crawled beneath the sheets with her. She immediately pressed against me with a smile.
"Maybe I could keep you warm?"
"Maybe..." I responded dryly, as she rubbed her body against mine.
She stopped and turned over, "Fine. Be a dick, I don't have to have sex with you."
I inched over and wrapped my arms around her, "I'm sorry. I'm just getting sleepy..." I allowed my hand to brush her tender and swollen breasts. "If you're still aching, though..." I touched between her legs.
She pushed against my hand, "Yes... yes I am."
That's when I started to get hard. Half asleep I rubbed my finger quickly over her clit. I pushed her legs open slightly and she turned over flat on her stomach. I pushed inside and the phone rang. This time I did scream, I was so pissed. Who was calling me at this time of night, anyway?! "Don't answer it." I said.
"Harder!" She called, with a laugh, "God, I love it when you're angry."
I grinned and thrust into her, but the phone kept ringing. I finally reached over and picked it up, my rhythm slowing considerably.
"Hello?" I asked, out of breath.
"Tay?"
"Who is this?" (Alexis started instructing me to go faster.)
"It's Angel..."
"Oh." I said, trying to sound as quiet and normal as possible.
"Are you busy?" He asked, "Because... I mean... I can call you back at another time."
"No, I'm not busy..." I was actually getting a rise out of this, "Not too busy - why are you calling me at one in the morning?"
"Well... I don't know. My car broke down, and you're the only person I could get a hold of."
Great. "Oh. Can you hold on a second?" I put the phone down on the night stand.
"Oh, Taylor... Taylor..." I was smiling as I thrust into her. I let out a gasp as I came inside of her, and picked up the phone again.
"I'm back." I said, breathlessly. "So where are you?"
He sounded timid when he gave me the address... but it wasn't too far from us, so I said I'd pick him up. When I hung up the phone Alexis and I pulled apart and lay down beside one another.
"Who was that?"
"My friend Angel from the hospital. I saw him at the deli today - and told him to drop me a line. His car broke down so I have to go pick him up. Do you want to come?"
"Only if I get to suck your cock on the way there."
I laughed. "You're so naughty. It's a deal."
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Dead leaves and the dirty ground
when I know you're not around
shiny pops and soda pops
when I hear your lips make a sound
Thirty notes in the mailbox
will tell you that I'm coming home
and I think I'm gonna stick around
for a while so you're not alone
If you can hear a piano fall
you can hear me coming down the hall
if I could just hear your pretty voice
I don't think I need to see at all
Soft hair and a velvet tongue
I want to give you what you give to me
and every breath that is in your lungs
is a tiny little gift to me
I didn't feel so bad till the sun went down
then I come home
no one to wrap my arms around
Well any man with a microphone
can tell you what he loves the most
and you know why you love at all
if you're thinking of the holy ghost
The White Stripes ("Dead leaves and the dirty ground")